Clearing Talk

To engage in a clearing conversation that allows us speak plainly to each other and understand each other’s stories, feelings and desires If we have time / get to a point that we are ready to move on, we can move to actionable next steps on how to work better together going forward

Please share with the other person in advance, an email or document with 1 (max 2) situations following the clearing framework (see below).

Please use these clearing framework elements in your description (1-2 situations max), see also attached for official CLG handout:

Describe the facts (only what a camera can record, 1-3 bullets max) Describe a story (that you make up related to the facts, 1-3 bullets max) Describe your feelings (using the 5 core emotions) Describe your desire (what you want related to these facts, could be an action or an outcome, 1-3 bullets max) Describe an opposite story to the one you made up (1-3 bullets max) Describe your responsibility (how did you create the disconnection with the other person, think 100% responsibility, 1-3 bullets max) Describe your projections (what part of yourself do you see in the other, 1-3 bullets max)

The format of the call will be: The person clearing, tells their facts, stories, feelings, desires, etc. in their own words The person listening repeats what they have heard in their own words and check with the first person if what they have understood is accurate and complete The person clearing gets the chance to add, correct, etc., repeats until the situation is clear Repeat for the other person and any outstanding situations (ca. 20 mins per situation) If time permits, each person suggests specific actions that they might take based on what they heard and experienced today – if not we can either find a new time for this or finish with having cleared without specific next steps


This technology is meant to be used when you have created a disconnection with another person or group. It is important that you are willing to let go of being right and take responsibility before you attempt to use this model. The goal is to reveal yourself, own your projection and re-establish connection. For effectiveness, stick to the script.


[] I commit to curiosity and letting go of being right

[] I commit to taking 100% responsibility for the issue

[] I commit to creating a win-for-all resolution


Ask for a clearing by affirming a meaningful relationship “I have an issue I’d like to clear with you. Is now a good time?” “If not now, when?”

  1. Something has come up I’d like to clear with you. I want to have clear open lines of communication as our relationship is important to me. Thank you for being here for this.

  2. “The specific FACTS are…” (Recordable facts; not judgments)

  3. “A STORY I make up about you/me/the group is…”

  4. “My FEELING is…” (Angry, Sad, Scared, Sexual, Joyful)

  5. “I specifically WANT…” (This is not a demand or entitlement but instead a way to be known)

  6. “How I CREATED this disconnection with you is…”

  7. PROJECTION: “The part of me I see in you that I have an aversion/attraction to is…


  1. “What I hear you saying is…” (Reflect or paraphrase without interpretation) “Is that RIGHT?” (If not, reflect again) “Is there MORE?” (Ask with curiosity)

  2. “Are you CLEAR? Have you said everything you have to say and felt everything you have to feel?” (If yes, move on. If not, go back to “Is there more?”)

  3. Is there a NEXT ACTION step? (if yes, who will do what by when?)

  4. If you both feel that you are finished you can take at least a half hour break and then the other person goes.